To 3 or not to 3???

Since I was a little girl and people asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I would say " I want to be a mommy." And then as I got older, people would ask me " So how many kids do you think you want?" And I always wanted four. Two kids wasn't enough and three is a odd number and I never wanted a middle child. So the answer was easy. FOUR. I wanted four, healthy babies. And then I got pregnant and immediately changed my answer. ONE!!  One was enough! Being pregnant is not my specialty and I do not handle it as well as I thought I would. I am what you would call a girly girl and well let's be honest, being pregnant is NOT flattering. But then when Sophia was about 6 months old, I realized how much more important I felt. I had a obvious purpose in this world now! And right after her first birthday I got what you would call "baby fever."

Well life doesn't always go the way you plan and unfortunately neither do marriages. Adam and I took the long, hard road to a strong marriage but either way, we got here and we leave that time in our past. But because of that "test of time" we unfortunately had to wait to add on to our family.  And I am a firm believer of 'everything happens for a reason' So once we realized that this world was better when we were living it together, side by side, we worked long and hard on our marriage. And we came out stronger then ever!!!! Shortly after that, we knew we were ready to make Sophia become a big sister. It didn't take more then once and we were pregnant. And no Adam, it isn't because of your super awesome sperm. Let's just make that clear right now :) Ugggh, men and their egos. Anyways, after Lucy was born, we were BOTH done. Two kids is a whole new ball game and your playing in a totally different league! So we had agreed to close that chapter in our lives and poor our heart and soul into raising our two beautiful girls! And since I am WORTHLESS on birth control for so many reasons, we agreed to just make it more permanent. And of course I wasn't about to go under the knife. So we agreed that Adam would take one for the team! He met with a doctor, got his referral and scheduled his appointment. But then....he got deployed. And like I said earlier, everything happens for a reason. So now as I sit here, day after day, and night after night, alone with my kids, I think to myself ' the more the merrier right?' The more distractions to keep me occupied throughout these endless amounts of deployments right? And God must have wanted me to have more children or else Adam would have been violated already right?  And not to mention, my best friend Ty, ( a fellow military wife) is also pregnant. And every woman knows that once your around a pregnant woman, you just get this uncontrollable urge to get pregnant! So I came up with an elaborate sales pitch and presented it to my husband. And all of my hard work didn't pay off because he wasn't buying what I was selling. But realistically I know that now is not the right time for obvious reasons. First of all my husband is deployed and I'm pretty sure I need him to make this process work. And second of all, when I really sit back and think about it, I am perfectly content with my two girls. And maybe content isn't the right word. My heart is so full of love and joy and I don't know if I have it in me to divide my love in thirds. I am head over heels for my girls and they deserve the best. So my conclusion is, if God thinks we deserve and can handle another precious gift, then I will open my heart and welcome a life into our family.  So...we will see......